Christian Counseling Service -- Devotions

Getting the hard work out of the way

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Matthew 18:21-22
Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"

"Seven!" Jesus replied. "Hardly. Try seventy times seven."

So ... that's about once a day for sixteen months. If I give my forgiveness muscles that much exercise, they'll be in great shape. They will demand attention for the rest of my life, but I'll enjoy the workouts. Forgiveness begets forgiveness; it gets easier, not harder as I persist.

Forgiveness doesn't come easily at first, but it still must come. The story Jesus goes on to tell Peter emphasizes how bad it can be for the person who doesn't learn this skill. There are no acceptable excuses. Here are some ideas about how to forgive, taken mostly from Walter Wangerin's book about marriage, As for Me and My House:

1. Be specific about your resentment. Think about what happened. Ask yourself three questions:
a. What was the offense exactly?
b. Against whom (or what part of you) was the offense committed? Against your honor, your body, your desires, your expectations, what?)
c. What exactly were the the consequences of the offense?

2. Remember your own forgiveness. From this comes your own power to forgive. This also removes any sense of your own superiority over the offender.

3. Arrange a time when you can be alone and focus on each other. Then tell the other person what offended you. Tell them by using the questions in step 1, and explaining it to them.

4. Tell the other person that you forgive them.
Forgiving means:
Giving up, stepping outside the system of law into the world of mercy.
Giving notice, a clear communication to the other that you have been hurt, revealing as clearly as you can what the other person has done.
Giving gifts, with no return whatsoever expected, focused completely on the one receiving the gift, the one who has hurt you.

Forgiving is giving love when there is no reason to love and no guarantee that love will be returned.

5. Follow your words with action. Make a covenant with yourself that your forgiveness is unconditional. Even if the other person doesn't think they were wrong or doesn't receive your forgiveness, do the hard work (with prayer) of giving up on your "right" to revenge or any of its more subtle variations.

Make me humble, Lord. You are good and upright and my hope is in you all day long.

Devotions Archive

Getting the hard work out of the way

Tuesday, March 9, 2010