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Yes, LordThursday, March 17, 2005
John 8:51-52 "I tell you the truth, if anyone keeps my word, he will never see death."
At this the Jews exclaimed, "Now we know that you are demon-possessed! Abraham died and so did the prophets."
What I could worry about (what, me worry?) is the death of the spirit. Father Kenneth Grabner calls this "the death that happens when people make the final choice to say 'no' to God's love." My ability to know God's love is severely limited by my upbringing, my culture, my beliefs about myself, my habit of filling up life with other things, the vices that so often play in unwelcome concert with the virtues. So for me at least, one crucial part of saying "yes" to God's love is to confess this inadequacy so he can love me through his forgiveness. "No" says to God: "I can't accept your forgiveness. I don't receive it." Bottom line, I just don't want it. I am afraid to make this impossible leap of faith into what is unseen. I would prefer to just feel broken, lost, alone, awful, ugly and get whatever comfort I can from the familiarity of my sin. Not much comfort there, but at least I know what to expect. Breaking free from this bondage requires a "yes" into the void, where God does not immediately appear, where I might feel swallowed up in the emptiness of not-knowing, and where I might feel very frightened for awhile. "Yes, Lord." I believe you forgive my darkest sin. I believe you will patiently show me day by day how to receive your faithfulness and your love. |
Ah, but that's just the old death, the death of the body. Now there's a new kind of life, the life of the spirit. And in fact, there's also a new kind of death, the death of the spirit. And if I keep Jesus' word, he says, my spirit will live and never die.