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Kentucky love affairTuesday, December 11, 2018
From Isaiah 40 God's always got my back. This is more clear to me as I get older. He speaks tenderly and gently to me: "Your service is at an end. Your guilt is covered." Perhaps I am not quite ready to hear these words, but I know they are there for me. I think about Hannah Coulter's words in Wendell Berry's novel: "The room of love is the love that holds us all, and it is not ours. It goes back before we were born. It goes all the way back. It is Heaven's." Hannah's husband Nathan is sick. He refuses treatment. And Hannah is beside herself. I was beating the hell out of a dozen egg whites in a bowl. My tears were falling into the bowl and then my nose dripped into it. I flung the whole frothy mess into the sink. I said, "Well, what are you planning to do? Just die? Or what?" Hannah went back with her daughters to the doctor. "Nathan doesn't want to die of a cure," she told him. And then the two of them, they lived right on. "Living right on called for nothing out of the ordinary. We made no changes. We only accepted the changes as they came." There is never a reason to shut off the singing. Sleigh bells ring. Am I listening? No appropriate description of life excludes the fact of death, and so we live right on. Grass withers, flowers wilt, the word of our Lord stands forever. Hannah finishes the story of her life standing at the gate. Nathan "looks at me with a look I know. The shiver of the altogether given passes over me from head to foot." Remember us, Lord, when we fly from the flock and are lost at night. Do not let us go. Come after us, and bring us back. Your comfort makes me far more free than anything I can ever do alone. "Just stay," you say. "Just be." I will. This is all I need. Wendell Berry, Hannah Coulter, 2004, chapters 20 and 24 |