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Pay it forward

Monday, December 19, 2016

Psalm 71:5-6
You are my hope, O Lord, my trust, O God, from my youth. On you I depend from birth; from my mother's womb you are my strength.

On Christmas Eve at the Zion Lutheran Church in Lincoln, Illinois we all sang the songs, and some of us said the Mary-Joseph-Gabriel lines, and when the show was finished we had snacks and got wonderful candy-and-the-rest gifts from our Sunday School teachers, and then we went home around 7:30 for our family celebration, for our annual oyster stew and spinach balls.

Finally we put on our pajamas and giggled and jumped around and tried to settle down to say our prayers. Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord, my soul to keep.

Christmas was almost here! So much preparation and waiting, and singing the songs of Advent, and lighting candles, and now Christmas is almost here! How on earth could anybody sleep tonight?

But we did. Santa made his way in and out, ate the cookies, drank the milk, and I never saw a thing. One of the three of us woke up first, and then it wasn't long before we all huddled in front of the tree and looked at everything. Piles of presents, wrapped in three colors of paper. Which pile is mine?

I wonder if Dad started milking the cows early that morning. Somehow he was finished by 6:30 or so. Of course we waited for him. Mom made coffee cake, and we ate it without the coffee. Mom and Dad sat down comfortably, slowly, restfully ... while we leaped and laughed and didn't sit down at all. And then at last, the gifts.

I only remember one or two of the gifts. What I remember is the Christmas Eves, quiet, dark, cold, and devoted. I had no idea how much worshipping God would later mean to me. I didn't realize how much I was paying forward on those sweet December nights, preparing for doubt, despair, fear, betrayal, frustration, pain, and sometimes death. Where is God when it hurts?

A substantial enough part of me knows exactly where God is. And I can go in my mind to find him every time ... at the Zion Lutheran Church in Lincoln, Illinois on Christmas Eve.

Lord Jesus, from baby to man you have walked with me. Your grace has held me fast, and your strength has made me more whole day by day by day. Thank you teaching me to trust you a long time ago, and sustaining that trust now. You are my friend, and I thank you.



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