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Sparkles in your eyesSunday, April 19, 2015
Psalm 4:4-8 But the most spiritual part of our trip was visiting Margaret's mom, sister and niece in Evansville. "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." Pierre de Chardin struggled with his own truism all his life, and so do I. It is usually easier to be silent and godly than social and human. Jesus and John bade us be careful with that dichotomy. There is none, they said. Love God, love your neighbor. I like to read, and sit still in the sun, and pray with my body. Walk, but not talk ... much. This sunny morning, writing of these things - I feel close to God and close to myself. But there are times when this is not exactly "human." We are made to be the ones God made, not the clones of others. We are social AND solitary, walkers AND talkers, healed AND wounded. One does not trump the other. My own mix is mine, and yours is yours. But we are called into love, not isolation. We can appreciate rather than despise our differences. This is the way of God in us. Pierre de Chardin was an accomplished, world-famous archeologist as well as a Jesuit in trouble with the Vatican. He never abandoned his Ignatian habit. He loved his intimate but innocent friendships with French women, and he also loved his alone time in China digging for ancient human bones. He prayed and partied. He was in trouble with some scholars and idolized by others. Can I live like this in my own peculiar, mind-boggling assortment of opposites? In his book Owning Your Own Shadow, Robert A. Johnson says that contradiction grinds us into dust and destroys meaning in our lives, while paradox restores meaning. When we hold two opposing forces within ourselves and don't settle for one, we regain the innocent energy and joyous sparkle of children. We are no longer in control but firmly aware of being loved. We can look at opposites as contradictions or as paradox. God's way is the way of paradox. I choose life, settling into questions rather than requiring answers. In this moment of acceptance I can literally feel the sparkle returning to my eyes. When Moses was exhausted, Lord, we held up his arms so he could pray. You protect us when we work together. You are OUR father, and WE are your children. In all our own solitary individuated selves, we are one. Free us from sin and contradiction. . Free us to sleep in safety and awaken to your new world. |
A short schedule of monastery-hopping enriched our lives this week. We spent half a day at Thomas Merton's Abbey of Gethsemani and an evening in Bardstown, Kentucky. Then we enjoyed a day at the Spiritual Directors International Conference in Louisville, and finally half a day at St. Meinrad's Abbey in southern Indiana, where we met a friend and sat in the sun in the quiet cloister.