Christian Counseling Service -- Devotions

Thomas' joy

Sunday, April 7, 2013

John 20:27-28
Jesus said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe." Thomas answered and said to him, "My Lord and my God!"

http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/040713.cfm

What a strange week this has been for me, listening to my doubts, worrying myself about what I could so easily have believed from the beginning. Does this skepticism inside my brain bless God in any way at all? Am I so blind to misdirect it and disbelieve what I hear inside myself to be the words of God?

How can I know? Jesus comes and insists I feel his wounds. He looks straight into my soul and I know I know I KNOW this is Jesus, not a ghost, not a demon, not a product of group hypnosis. But over and over this week I knew that Jesus was with me. I looked with my eyes, and there was nobody. Then I closed my eyes, and there was Jesus with me again. Then I open my eyes, and ... turn away. Afraid my intuition might be false, afraid to hope, afraid to trust, getting smaller and weaker and deader by the day.

I know this will happen again. Jesus reminds me that others do not think this way. But what about me? I am who I am. Do you plan to change me, Jesus?

Better question: do I want you to change me, Jesus? Yes, I do. You are gentle and do not insist on your way with me. What you do insist on is that we move through life together, working together, deciding together how to live, one day at a time.

Jesus gave everything away every day. He was free to be, because he opened himself completely to the fullness of God. He lived in God's economy of plenty. Whenever we allowed him, he made us into kings and queens.

Jesus also saw into others' fear and greed. In this mind he knew exactly when to question, when to refuse, when to hold fast. And he did even this in love, knowing it was better for the misled child of God. Even here there was no fear in him.

I was only protecting myself when I doubted the words of my brothers. I must face it, I was doubting Jesus. No love, but only fear. Now Jesus wants to change that in me, reverse it completely and make me free.

You call me and invite me and gently offer a new world, Lord. No fear, and only love. Now more than ever there is nothing to lose and everything to gain. Plumb the depths of my soul and teach me how to accept your offer, Lord, and live with you in this world where all the trees clap their hands just because they love you.

This is the second of seven Sundays in the season of Easter. I will continue sending reflections on each of these Sundays, but not on the other six days of the week. I hope you are having a wonderful Easter season. God bless you.

Devotions Archive

Thomas' joy

Sunday, April 7, 2013